shaina

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-07-27T14:04:00

2007-07-27T19:15:28Z

i really do forget i have one of these.

i guess i just dont feel like sharing my life as much anymore.
well, long story short.
i met a boy. after 5 months we finally said how we felt.
we fell in love. we dated. he saw his ex. i broke up with him.
he didn't really deserve me anyways, as bad as that sounds.
if he's not crazy about me, im not wasting my time.
and now im here. yeah, im heart broken. im hurt.
ive never felt so used and deserted in my life.

he decided he likes another girl better.
one that he has only seen 7 times.
they dont talk everyday.
she doesnt care when he gets mad
thye make no effort to see each other
but they have good phone conversations.

i think its bullshit.
and im better than that.
so i messed up a little.
didnt think some choices through all the way.
but we're working on being friends still.
he's not going to be with either of us right now
who knows later on though.
but at this point, im not going to be with someone
if theyre not positive they want to be with me.
he should've known from the start, and instead
he went behind my back and told her he wanted to be with her.

except for the fact that he only dated her for one week.
that one week he cheated on her with me (i didnt know they were dating)
and he broke up with her to tell me he loved me.
and he kept telling me that for 2 months
and began telling her that again also.
he's a jerk sometimes. and now i don't trust him.
but he's also the sweetest guy ever
and he does everything he knows to do to make me trust him.
but he also knows he has to work wayyyy hard to gain any of
my trust, love, anything back.
but even after everything, he's still my best friend first.
and we're trying to make our friendship work.
because he wants more people in his life so he's finding girls
its the wrong way to go about it, but whatever.
but we still need each other
because we're basically all each other has.

so i dont know what to do.
i care about him too much to just walk out on him
and i wont be that person who leaves just because im upset.
so, i dont know. the past two months have been pretty
stressful, but i think they'll get better from here on out.
or at least i hope so.

HA.

2007-06-02T20:43:25Z

ring the alarm
i've been doin this too long
but i'll be damned if i see another chick on your arm
DON'T YOU ring the alarm
i've been doin this TOO long
but i'll be DAMNED if i see another chick on your arm

she gon' take everything i own.
if i let you go.
i can't let you go
damned if i let you go.

tell me how should i feel
when i know what i know
and my female intuition tellin me you a dope.
people told me bout the things
i couldn't see thru the smoke

I DONT WANT YOU BUT I WANT IT
SO I CANT LET IT GO.

i'ma put in a call
tell them ring the alarm
cuz you ain't never seen a fire
like the one i'ma cause.

she gon' take everything i own.
if i let you go.
i can't let you go
damned if i let you go.

haha

2007-06-01T03:26:47Z

i dont take anyone seriously anymore

or anything for that matter

and i cant quite figure out if thats a bad thing or not

oh well.
its suiting me just fine, thank you very much.

:P

yeah.

2007-05-28T21:16:01Z

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97...

wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own
meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the
power and beauty of your youth. Never mind.
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back
at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now
how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are NOT as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry,
but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts,
don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long,
and in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive,
forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't,
maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either.
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can.
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it,
it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance.
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
DO NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths,
prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old,
and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-05-21T01:32:00

2007-05-21T06:33:55Z

frank shops for pants to eat,

what do you shop for?

i hope everyone's summers are getting off to a good start.

:D

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-05-17T18:30:00

2007-05-17T23:38:20Z

blahblahblahblahblah?

WHERES FRANK?!

oh. nevermind.

i found him.

he's at home earning livejournal dollars.

whatever the heck that is.

hows everyones lives going?

tell me please.

im interested.
for real.

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-05-10T18:19:00

2007-05-10T23:21:09Z

THREE EXAMS LEFT!

well, technically two.
spanish tomorrow
math on wednesday
and english thursday.
but for english, all we have to do is write a narrative essay.
and i already wrote it.
and its not due until the 17th.

:D <3

i love summer :D

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-05-10T22:19:00

2007-05-10T03:23:16Z

this world makes me very sad.

and the choices people make hurt my heart.

i wish i could just help everyone.

but sometimes people have to do things on their own.

and it kills me to let them do it on their own.

i hope you never regret anything you do in your life,

i hope every step you take is one of success,

and i hope every one of God's blessings on you and your future.

you will always hold a place in someone's heart, never forget that.

you will always be loved, whether you know it or not.

may your life be a blessing instead of a burden.

drop it like its hot

2007-04-10T15:45:02Z

drop
drop it like its hot

im definetly sitting in english class
and the teacher isnt here
and we're supposed to be writing essays
and working on how to research a research paper.
im supposed to go to the library to finish it...
im scared to. hahah
but i guess thats the point, right?
ugh. i dont want to have to go down there and ask anything
or put my name on any list
or look dumb trying to find something i dont know what it is.
anddd its just creepy down there.
for real it is.
all though the lake is a pretty view
and the ducks are always very entertaining.
i have to give a speech next period.
one that isnt finished.
maybe ill go easy on my group
considering im just as scared as they are. haha.

blah. tonight is haste the day, maylene, and fata
im excited.
minus the fact that im going to have to stand in line
for like, two hours for a ticket
im pretty sure this one is going to sell out
but maybe its just me.
i mean, FATA is the featured myspace band of the month.
hahahhaha.

but seriously folks,
tonights gonna be bomb diggity fo sho.
hahahha WTF.
i got no sleep last night
well yes i did. i went to bed about 2
and then woke up and moved to the couch about 5
where i recieved a phone call that i didnt answer
then i woke up at 730 and began my day.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok well. this class is over now.
so i hope everyone has great days!

my birthday is friiiiiiiidaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!
:D yay!!!!
<33333333333333

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-04-09T17:48:00

2007-04-09T22:49:34Z

hi.

this weeks been very good.

:D

theyre birthday partying for me tonight at church :D

im excited. lol.

im 19 in 4 days.

its crazy.

that boy is coming down tonight.
even though im paying for him to get here.
and i was just there friday
and im skipping half of work to take him back wednesday
all on the week of my birthday...
it's cool. lol.

well. i hope you are all doing great!

and kelsey alise-
who are you talking about. hmm?
we should talk. soon. lol. <3

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-03-27T12:49:00

2007-03-27T17:49:34Z

tell your girlfriend she's dumb.
and the second time is no different

and if you keep breaking hearts you're gonna be screwed.

oh, and please delete me out of your life.
i've had enough.

skooglesownsyou @ 2007-03-23T17:12:00

2007-03-23T22:11:32Z

what goes around comes back around...

i hate the video for that song.
its horrible.

wake dead man, wake

2006-12-20T07:30:47Z

let the dead bury their own dead

will you still love me in famine
as when love began at the harvest
or would you gain the whole world
son, I love you at your darkest
but what good is the whole world
when I promise no tomorrow
I only promise your tomorrows
will never take you past my palm

love, what is love without trust
at my word would you bring your isaac?

son, I loved you at your darkest

oh my.

2006-11-17T16:59:28Z

hmph.

2006-09-26T22:30:58Z

sometimes i wish i never knew
the place we call the 662

lets do it now.

2006-04-24T21:28:09Z

this might be an awkward time to say it but i wish i knew you more

so let's do it now.

i miss youu

2006-04-24T21:26:32Z

home sweet home.

2006-04-10T14:44:43Z

where the crack rocks smoke and cigarettes billow like a re-creation of the factories churning earth into rubber.
where the smell of a burning substance stings the nostrils.
leaving you with a scent you will never forget. lingering from a hundred years past.
The little rubber city capital of the world, Akron ohio.
44301 to the 44312.
the place where our parents and grandparents idolized the billboards and the "movie life"
where our grandfathers went off to war, and Rosie the Riveter knocked on every woman's door calling her to become a woMAN.
the place where women were no longer home makers and wore cute frilly dresses.
This was the time when the women had to be the men. Our grandmother's idolized and imitated this so called "woman of the 21st century"
wearing bandanas, and short hair. jeans and button up shirts. working in factories to put food on the table..and help the troops of the 57th precinct.
working in the under ground factories and the blimp hangers. while the families infiltrated the outcome of these places while the mothers and grandmothers had been sworn to secrecy. who would feel safe knowing that just 3 miles from your warm cozy bed was a bomb that could nuke the whole planet in .2 seconds if someone dropped something in the wrong spot. as the women slaved to make these missles and war machines that would help "bring home our boys"...
our "boys" were out defending their nation. holding their ground. making babies with the first cute little asian watress at the first bar they went to on their "day off". for all any of us know we could have 15 not quite step sibliings but not quite strangers floating around out there. some asian contortionist who has the same nose and body type as you. i bet that 1 out of 5 american children of the war era have a step-stranger out in some other country of the world looking for their father because they want to get to know him, and you sit here wishing you had never known the drunk abusive war-beaten father who you see sitting infront of you in the ugly tan recliner with a beer in his hand watching crappy old sitcoms with his eyes closed.
back to the women who want so badly to believe that their husbands still love them and want them. they want to believe so badly that they are still as compassionate and sincere as they were before. but as the husbands trickle back into reality or their belongings get sent home, the pictures of random women from every counrty with the words" i love you roger", "never forget me chuck", "always and forever wing chao and paul bunyun" all scribed on the back begin to be reaveled. your mother or grandmother just shuts off, you ask what they are and she tells you nothing, she says never mind and never speaks two words about it again.

this is where you come in. time to figure out the family past. or do you really want to know. here it is:
your grandfather is a drunk who cheated on his wife god knows how many times, and by the time he came home, he was strangled with fear and had a temper like a lightning bolt. your mother sat back and took it because they made a "holy vow" to have and to hold in sickness and health for richer or poorer til death do them part. and thats what they are doing. sitting in a nursing home, with a love-hate relationship... just waiting to go to heaven to be with God because that would be better than being here on earth. that's your background, your family history. and now here's you...
sitting in the rubber city capital of the world, your long knappy hair smelling of smoke and rubber.
alchol on your breath.
watching the day break over the short crowded sky line of the fancy glass building dowtown,
the main st. saloon
and the goodyear tire company.
this is it.
7 days a week
365 days a year.
home sweet home.